The garden

　barbsian are my happy pill, drawing them helped to pull me through my hardest days— I drew them in every chance I get。Although it did contribute to my wrist pain, I was happy at least。

　Things got tougher and things looked like I'm never gonna be 'normal'。I was never one in the first place anyways。

　I get really upset every time I realized that it's been a while since I drew my comfort ship。A proper drawing that is。I was really obsessed drawing barbsian and it never occurred to me before that I would stop drawing them for a long time。It makes me so sad。

　It has been more than a year since the last proper art I did of them and I feel like crying over it。I felt so useless and lifeless。

　So I tried to suck it up and sit down and draw them。

　As a treat for finishing some CM work, I drew barbsian today; it was more or less a redraw of a scrapped sketch from before。File name barbsian 195。Haha, it would've been past 200 by now if I had been still obsessed with drawing them everyday。

　The result was great。I kept looking back at it。Recently I've been trying to incorporate some 'dramatic' lighting in my drawing so I tried it on the barbsian sketch, it looked so nice, it could turn out really well when I get the chance to finish it。

　It could be another acrylic standee I could display in my shrine。They were so cute and endearing, I really love it so much and I love them so so much more。I finally got to draw them without too much anxiety hanging over me and it felt so great to see the sketch result, I want to go back to the days I draw them in any way I want, them being so disgustingly cute and affectionate。

　Lore writing was never easy for me and I should just stop worrying about it now, since I haven't been able to update more to it at this point, I should just keep drawing them however I liked just like before。。

　The drawing made me really happy。

　But then there's this feeling that I don't like that keeps gnawing inside me。Suddenly the drawing looked too silly and maybe underserving too。。。It felt like I should explain why they're like this or why I'm so attached to them。It's stupid, right? Why would you need to explain something that makes you happy? Who's gonna ask anyways? No one's gonna think so hard on a drawing。I just keep overthinking it.

　They're just。。。Them。。。They just make me happy。